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Need some encouragement

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  • #175773
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey y’all,

    This community has been my FAVORITE since I started in the fall of 2019. The relationships built and just knowledge gained from Key5 constantly blesses my heart. Therefore I’m struggling right now and figured I would reach out for some words of encouragement 

    My first year as a Varsity HC – we finished our season 10-6 – 3rd in conference – best finish since joining the current conference we are in and first winning record in 3-4 years.  This was not expected.

    I know I am a great coach, with room for improvement and to master my craft – BUT our process here at our school is to have “coach evaluations filled out by our student-athletes”  I don’t agree that 15-17 year olds should be evaluating a coach – because if they are not satisfied with PT,  don’t feel like a favorite (coach’s have favorites!) etc it will never be positive. Therefore I am just a little discouraged because players negative comments are shared in the evaluation, not positive ones. I thrive on relationships, would run through a wall for my team and do anything to help them be successful – so hearing all the negatives make you doubt that what you are doing is right and that you are actually making a difference.

    I know I probably am, and I know/pray at the end of the day the girls feel cared about, but just struggle with the second guessing of it all and that all that I’ve been working towards program, culture building etc. is actually impacting the girls in a positive way. 
     

    I don’t agree with the process the AD knows that, so I’m mad I had to sit through and listen to the evaluation anyway. Any encouragement would be accepted! Thanks for letting me vulnerable for a hot second!

     

    #176691
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Reyna.  My first thought after reading your post is a quote from PJ Fleck, head football coach at the University of Minnesota.  He said once that: “We have a problem in our society. We don’t have a problem in our program.”  I think it echoes in your situation.  From your post it seems there is a problem in the evaluation process not in your program.  You know what your program is and what your program does for kids.  Keep running through the wall.  Some kids won’t realize how much you did for them until much later, and even if they never realize it you get to live with the knowledge that you gave your best to your kids.  I will close by offering this one final quote.  Three years ago I did a complete overhaul of our program and culture which obviously created some pushback.  I gave every kid a business card to keep in their wallet to remind them that they were apart of something bigger than themselves.  On the back we had our core values and on the front I put The Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt:

    “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

    Hang in there, keep giving your best, and as PJ would say keep “Rowing the Boat.”  Hope this helps.  Have a great Friday!

     

     

    #176693
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Reyna, this sounds incredibly tough.  I encourage you to hear what pieces may be helpful, as feedback has the opportunity to shed light on any blind spots we may have and then release the rest.  Teenagers are often challenged to see beyond their own circumstances or to have a broad perspective.  This feedback may help you learn more about them then you.

    #176696
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Evaluation is often misinterpreted as calling for criticism. Students need to be taught how to have a constructive conversation around change. I suggest you revise the evaluation form to teach this. GenZ is the “like” generation. They’ve grown up believing their opinion about everything–no matter how considered or not–has absolute value. Social media encourages this illusion. To be meaningful, evaluations must be constructed in ways that call for serious consideration, rather than snap responses.

    Aside from that, 20 years in the theatre–where your work is often immediately critiqued by your peers–taught me to listen with a smile, thanks them for their thoughts, absorbs what was useful, and ignore the rest. The trap is having an internal dialog with everything that’s being said. Consider the source, and move on.

    Vodka is also very helpful.  

    cheers.

    #176697
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Reyna, it is never pleasant being caught in a process in which we feel we have neither input, control nor access to all the information available. You’ll always emerge feeling emotive and questioning the outcomes because of that information gap.

    I’d suggest that taking a moment to acknowledge that how you feel has validation is important but don’t dwell there. You can go round & round the houses, but with only 1 side of the team’s responses you will never have satisfactory answers to the questions you keep asking yourself.  

    The only thing that I can add to the valuable insights folk have already given is that if this is an inevitable process every year, then perhaps if you cannot change the process you can help prepare your team to understand how to give  feedback that will enable and empower the programme to grow.  This may have to be a season long process so that by the ultimate programme evaluation they have grown their skills in providing constructive, actionable feedback and seeing how positive action can be derived from how and what they choose to contribute. 

    Hang in there. You know you’re committed to being and giving the very best. Believe in yourself. 

    #176699
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Reyna, 

    It’s often a long, slow, and sometimes lonely journey. Hopefully we can be here for you so it is not lonely.  One of the hard things about coaching is we constantly plant seeds and don’t always get to see what happens with those seeds. Making sure we are planting the right seeds is always a work in progress. Seek to find any truths you can in their feedback. That is your ticket to growth. Pray for wisdom to disregard the things that were not meant for you. You got this!!!!!!!

    #176707
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I really admire your way of conduct Coach.

    The belief in the above and the earthly is some what to envy but i do share that filling with all  the coaches that wrote, although i have, i guess a differant way of reliegon to the standard eye or yours.,any ways folks i have a Q.do you Coach see now your run in the NIIT or college hoops this  past season as a success or  a miss? and all the luck to you all

    maoz l (a trainer/ boys coach from israel)

    #176711
    Anonymous
    Inactive
    8 hours ago, Maoz Lupin said:

    I really admire your way of conduct Coach.

    The belief in the above and the earthly is some what to envy but i do share that filling with all  the coaches that wrote, although i have, i guess a differant way of reliegon to the standard eye or yours.,any ways folks i have a Q.do you Coach see now your run in the NIIT or college hoops this  past season as a success or  a miss? and all the luck to you all

    maoz l (a trainer/ boys coach from israel)

    Moaz, 

    Thanks for sharing. Hope all is well in Israel! Success is often in the eye of the beholder. I am not sure if I understand correctly but if you are asking about my season I count it a success. Lots of love. within the team and I think we hit our ceiling. I have. a lot of gratitude for this year. Were you able to play this season? 

    #176768
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    late to this party, but I hear you, coach. no good deeds go unpunished in coaching! 

    If it makes you feel better, I coach JV HS girls, and at the end of practice one day I had them write down 10 things they did well in our 2.5 hour practice. It took them upwards of 20 minutes to come up with just 5-6 positive things. They could name about 50 negative things, or things to work on tomorrow, but they struggled hard with being positive. Keep your head up. You’re in the right place , doing the right thing! 

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